He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
