There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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