Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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