New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
