then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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