dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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