How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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