I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize