god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
