I am puke
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He passed out mid-signature
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
