yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
