Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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