It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
