He had one of those small greek statue penises
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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