Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
