On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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