if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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