I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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