I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
