i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
