Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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