I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
