he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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