He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
