i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
