please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
