are you still at the devil's house?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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