i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
