This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
