Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
they're like a gay fantastic four
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Drunk is not a location!
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
