i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
vagina is talking i cant
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
