i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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