i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
