she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
