i need an iv and a liver transplant
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
and she was petting her beer can
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize