I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
