Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
