Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
