Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
