At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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