She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
