I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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