its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
