dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
