Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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