On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
