the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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