Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
