woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
