She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
