I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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