just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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