New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
