i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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