I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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