You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
