I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
His hands were made for my vagina.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
