I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
she peed on how many people?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
