You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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