i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
