she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
