We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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