you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
