I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
