I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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